there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You don't make any sense
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