I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
