I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
