please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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