i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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