what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
