But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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