well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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