Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
