You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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