I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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