ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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