She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When are your genitals available?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
