I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
