Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
