I molested 6 butterflies tonight
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
