Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Text me some of your sweat
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
