Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
