he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
