I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
