Betty ford says i'm here all night
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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