Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
