Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Still dying that you shit outside
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
