the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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