When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
