Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
