I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
