All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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