worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
