Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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