so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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