He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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