Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
