Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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