i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
