Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
