Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude i'm inner monologue high
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
