im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
