Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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