Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
