I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
