Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
