Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
