I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
