Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
