dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
