I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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