you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
