Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
