Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
