i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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