I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize