remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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