I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
