haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
