remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?