Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
