I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
