Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
