how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
