The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You made out with two different species that night
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
