Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
