I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
