I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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