I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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