I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
These tits shall not be calmed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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