screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
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Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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