mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize