I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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