Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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