dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
