I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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